It’s probably more likely that you women will know about the film I’m about to mention, but I found a love lesson in it that’s worth passing on to all of you.
Filmmakers Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake
The movie? Ricki Lake’s The Business of Being Born. It’s an incredible documentary film about childbirth and how hospitals handle it in our culture these days. I watched it a few months ago, and came across it recently. And this time, I was moved by the words of one female expert, who said this about natural childbirth compared to a surgical C-section that I wanted to pass on.
“You get the highest oxytocin rush you’ll ever have in your life when you give birth naturally. You will go into an altered state of consciousness, and in a kind of a state of “Yes, there’s bliss” and “Yes, there’s pain” and it’s all tied up together and you cannot have the bliss without the pain.”
Now, I haven’t had a kid yet and would like to, and after seeing this film, the idea of natural childbirth sounds amazing—but, hey, we’ll see what happens when those labor pains start hitting and like every other woman, I want to shout “Get the druuuuuugs!”
But this isn’t a post about childbirth. This is a post about dating. Because there is no C-section for dating. There is no magical, surgical, pain-free version of finding love. Dating is a natural process we all have to struggle through to make it to the other side and find love. And yes, there’s bliss and yes, there’s pain, and it’s all tied up together. You cannot have one without the other. Without a little heartbreak or rejection by the wrong person, how would you ever be freed up for the right one?
So just remember that if you feel a little pain coming. It’s like labor. It’ll come in spurts, and it’ll hurt, but it’s all a sign that at the end of that road is a blissful, incredible loving relationship that is so worth it—that sends such a rush of oxytocin through your body and soul—that you won’t remember a lick of the pain it took to get you there. The bliss makes it all worth it.
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Big love,
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The bad times help us to appreciate the good ones, pain helps us appreciate joy, if life was one long blissful joyride then that would be the norm and it would become boring.
Thanks for the quote, I will have to tell my wife that the next time we talk about having kids
J.
Oh, if only c-sections were ‘pain-free’.
Love that movie though.
Interesting comparison to giving birth. Indeed, we must be prepared to go through the pain before we can experience a loving relationship. Yet some people would just stop even before experiencing the pain; they do not want to go through the painful experience and yet deep in their hearts, they want to experience love again. As what Dolly Parton said, “To see the rainbow, we have to put up with a little rain.”
BK, I know, it seems weird to say that pain is part of a blissful experience, right? But I truly believe that knowing how it feels to have a hurt heart makes your ability to give love even greater.
And Martha, so true! People forget that C-sections are *major* surgery that take weeks to recover from. Birth truly takes it out of a woman, that’s for sure. But from what I hear, the rewards are worth it. Just like love.
James, glad I could be of help, though your wife will want to kill me when that pain sets in.
And Dolly, well said!