This past week on Grey’s Anatomy had a great lesson on how not to get the attention of the love you’re after. The scene was set when Dr. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) felt she wasn’t getting the surgical assignments she expected and felt she deserved as a talented resident.
But instead of sitting back and focusing on something else, or in learning new things, Yang became desperate. Oh, and you know what happens when you become desperate…
Yang started asking every doctor if they needed help, even flirting with a doc she’d never worked with to beg her way into surgery. And the more she begged for a surgery rotation, the more turned off her superiors became, and the more they reached for other residents instead. I sure recognized my past in her actions—but when I used to do that, it was in bars or clubs where I had my sights set on snagging a date with a guy.
I know this is TV, but the fact is this: Desperation reeks in life, in work and in love. You’re allowed to
want what you want, and you’re encouraged to go out and get it with confidence. But when life doesn’t give you what you want, don’t beg! Begging is so unattractive. If you’re not getting the attention of someone you like, don’t wave your arms, bat your eyelashes, and send sexy texts to shock someone into noticing you. It doesn’t work! Just like we talked about in How I Met Your…Quirks, we deserve to be loved for who we are—as is—and we shouldn’t need to splay the peacock feathers and blast an airhorn to get people to see that!
So please: Be happy being yourself and don’t try too hard to make sure people notice. Desperation is only going to send your quarry further in the other direction. Instead, stand tall, smile big, and turn in a positive direction yourself. Take someone’s indifference as a sign that you’re not meant to connect with them now, and see it as a sign to learn something new—about yourself, about other people, about life.