With a little help from your friends

Cheering each other on

 

Have An Optimistic Valentine’s Day!

Friday, February 12th, 2010

If you think about it, Valentine’s Day is one of the few exclusionary holidays out there. We all get to celebrate Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Halloween. But February 14th? That’s all about couples celebrating their love. So what’s a single to do?

Fill you heart with some happy this year

Fill you heart with some happy this year

Despite the fact that you might be tempted to make retching gestures toward every red heart-shaped doily you see, I have four much more productive suggestions. This Valentine’s Day…

1. …don’t spend it alone. You may be tempted to curl up on the couch in front of some bad TV and try to ignore it altogether. But spending the night by yourself may only remind you that you are, well, by yourself. My suggestion: Find a friend or a few to share it with. Stay in, go out, grab a cocktail, watch a movie, drink some wine, play pool, play board games, hang just for an hour or all night long—just do something that reminds you how nice it feels to have relationships with other people. Maybe you don’t have a love relationship this year, but it’s healthy to remind yourself how good it feels to be loved by those close to you.

2. …there are no anti-Valentine’s Day parties allowed! It’s natural that if you’re feeling down about your love life, you’d want to take down the Hallmark holiday. Phooey on those gooey kissy couples paying too much for their meals, right? Well, this year, I want you to look at it differently. Instead of sending a message that you hate Valentine’s Day—which is putting out a negative message about love—look at it as a visual reminder of what you want in your life: If other couples can have happy relationships, so can you! 

3. …throw a Dream Board party! My friend’s friend, who I’ll call Mara, just read Meeting Your Half-Orange, and instead of blowing off the holiday, she’s decided to spend it celebrating the love she wants to bring into her life. Here’s how she put it in an email to me last night:

“It’s the first refreshing yet realistic book that I have read about being single in a very long time and it has made me more hopeful, without being cheesy. Somewhere along the way, I think many of us lose our optimism—and this book definitely helps you regain it. I’m making a Valentine’s Day dinner for my very best friend, who is single, and I’ve decided that we are going to create our own “dream boards” together over dinner and lots of wine. I am so excited about it!”

The explanation for what a Dream Relationship Board is and how to make one is thoroughly explained in my book, and I assure you, it is not a cheesy exercise! I’ve made many a believer out of one, trust me. And once you read the success stories of the singles who did it (including me) you’ll also be so convinced, you’ll want to try the same thing. It’s a healthy, hopeful way to provide yourself with a visual reminder of the big love you want in your life.

4. …buy yourself flowers and candy. Screw waiting for someone else to buy you flowers or candy. Treat yourself to some blooms and a box of chocolates or a bag of candy hearts. And take the little messages on those confections as words your future half-orange will tell you: “Kiss me,” ”You’re sexy,”  and before you know it—and if you want it—”Marry me.”

You might also like:
10 Reasons to Be Thankful for Being Single
8 Reasons to Go Out Tonight! 

Big love and Happy Optimistic Valentine’s Day,

Amy Signature 4

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You’re So Hot

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

We all go through those days where we’re hating how we look—the ol’, “Ugh, there’s nothing flattering in my closet, and even if there was, I don’t fit into it anyway.”

You shine more than you know

You shine more than you know

And if people you’re meeting aren’t jumping at the chance to jump all over you, it’s easy to wonder if anyone will ever find you as hot as you deserve to feel. Well, it’s time to do a reality check on how gorgeous and awesome you really are.

Here’s one way to do it: Ask yourself this: “Do you have any attractive friends? Just one pal who is cute or sexy or crazy-beautiful with confidence?” Then congratulations, you’re hot!

University of Wisconsin researcher April Bleske-Recheck, Ph.D., conducted a study some months back that found humans tend to socialize in a similar-looking social network. It creates competition, she says, but it also attracts similar-looking mates, which is a benefit much greater than the competition.

Ahhh, so there you have it. Women, you’re as cute and sexy and crazy-beautiful as any of those women you work with or hang around with. Guys, you’re as cool and hot as any of the men in your social circle, too. And as soon as someone worthy of you comes along, he or she will notice what makes you stand out from your group in just the right way. They’ll see you as hotter than the rest, inside and out. Remind yourself of that every single day.

You might also like:
Be Happy That…
3 Big Reasons Your Life Rocks (Yes, Your Life!)

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

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The Toils: A Good Thing!

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Toils are usually seen as a pretty bad thing, being all about work and witches chants (that whole boiling and bubbling, toiling and troubling thing). Well, I’ve started to see the toils in a new light.

Roll with the rough stuff to get to the good stuff! (Image: AS)

Roll with the rough stuff to get to the good stuff! (Image: AS)

It happened while re-painting my living room wall from a sunshine yellow to a more chill Restoration Hardware “Latte” color. I was giddy about painting for days…until my husband and I officially started the job yesterday by taping up all the edges. Ugh, the taping. What could possibly be good about taping, right? Then it hit me: The fact that I’m taping means I’m really close to the fun part!

In fact, all the super-fun things we do in life require some toils. Throwing a big party: fun! Well, after you do all your shopping and heave a dozen bags from your trunk to the kitchen counter and cook for two days. Going to an amusement park: a blast! You know, after you circle the five-acre parking lot and walk half a mile to the entrance. Having a baby: a miracle! After you survive a few months of waddling and that whole labor thing. And that bursting, goose-bump moment when you realize you really really like your date: priceless! But you only get there after you’ve been through a bunch of bummer dates and some lonely nights leading up to it. Like the cusp of brilliant moments (see: Life’s Most Underrated Moment: “The Cusp”) the toils are something to be grateful for.

The toils and troubles—however small they may be—are not the enemy. They’re the necessary gauntlet to get to something you really want. They’re a sign of great things to come. And it’s the toils that’ll make you appreciate what you get like you never would have before. So the next time you’re trudging to a date, a dinner, a meeting or a hardware store, silently thank the toils for what they really mean: You’re that much closer to the good stuff! You may even be in for fun you forgot was coming. Now that we’ve finished painting the wall, I realize there’s an even better part: peeling the tape off like Elmer’s glue from your hands. Ahhhh.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

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Have You Tried Circuit-Dating?

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

I like to think I could live on popcorn. But ask me again after I’ve eaten a super combo tub of movie theater popcorn with a few presses of “butter.” The fact is, too much of one good thing is too much.

Heart of all trades

Heart of all trades! (Image: AS)

As most fitness experts will tell you, for example, circuit training works better than spending all your time doing one single exercise over and over. And more generally, cross-training works well, to: If you’re spending all your time running on the treadmill, for example, you could use some yoga to balance your body and mind out.

It’s like life: If you’re spending all your time working, or all your time partying or all your time zoning out to Hulu, you won’t feel like you’re living a well-rounded life.

And, surprise surprise, the same goes for dating. If you’re looking for all your dates online, or seeking all your dates among your group of friends,


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Whaddaya doin’ New Year’s Eve?

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

I was in line at the drugstore the other day (wait, how funny is that word: drugstore?).

Toast to yourself! (Image: www.freedigitalphotos.net)

Toast to yourself! (Image: www.freedigitalphotos.net)

Anyway, I heard these two girls talking about a guy who’d sent one of them a perfectly cryptic text message, and how she had decided, “That’s it! I’m over it!” The girl said she wasn’t going to call or text this guy back ever again. Well, as soon as she sent this one last text to put him in his place…

It reminded me that one reason lots of people have trouble embracing the idea of moving forward into a healthy relationship is because they’re still looking back on an old one! That’s where my friend Lisa Steadman, author of It’s a Breakup Not a Breakdown and “heartbreak reinvention coach” comes in.
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