It’s on TV

Cheering each other on

The Bachelorette: The Way to Love, The Way to Lose

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

I'm hoping this happy ending with Roberto continues. (Image: Matt Klitscher, ABC)

Sigh. I loved last night’s episode of The Bachelorette. As we’ve all been saying, this was the first time in, like, forever that we would have been happy for both guys to win. And because both guys seemed like such pure-hearted, solid people, they each taught us something valuable about being on both sides of the love coin.

Whether you’re winning or losing in love (and whether or not you’re doing it on a national reality television show) on your path to meet your half-orange, here are four of my favorite quotes from last night on how to do it, which of course made me cry.

The Way to Love

When Roberto proposed, it seemed like he really spoke from his heart, which of course made me cry:

“You told me how important it was to you for your husband to love you unconditionally and to always be by your side no matter what,” said Roberto. “I just…I want to be that man for you. I want to be that man for you. I want to make you laugh, just like this. I want to make you smile. I want to make sure that you wake up every night, every morning for the rest of your life, knowing you’re so so loved.”

The Way to Lose

Chris L's great attitude will lead to a great love. (Image: ABC)

When Ali let Chris go and he looked up to see that rainbow—a sign of his mother looking down on him—it of course made me cry:

“In all this hurt and confusion and what the hell’s going on,” said Chris, “I was like, Wow, that’s just my mom saying, ‘You know what? When you put yourself out there for love, there’s always a chance you’re going to get hurt‘ and I did. I have allowed myself to open up and I’m not good at that, I’m not. And I know she’s like, ‘(clap clap) Good job Chris.’ As much as it sucks losing Ali, I know that’s my mom telling me it’s going to be okay.”

Now, we can’t always know what side of the coin we’ll end up with, which is why love is such a gamble. And so, here’s my favorite insight on…

The Way to Try

As Roberto said…

“Even if there’s the slightest chance that I could end up with her and be happy with her, um, I’ll take it. Even if there’s a chance that I’ll, that my heart will end up broken. I mean, to me, that’s worth it, and I want to take that chance. Ali’s the kind of girl that you take that chance for.”

And while Chris did take that chance and it didn’t work out, remember what he said afterward…

“If I could do it all again,” said Chris, ”I wouldn’t change a damn thing. I just have to learn from it and move on.”

I stand on the side of the fence hoping that Chris will move forward as the new Bachelor. In the meantime, I’ll try to move on from The Bachelorette—and yes, Bachelor Pad will help. Which of course makes me cry. But see? Even in the midst of cheesy television, there is some truth about life. Love’s tough, it’s always a gamble, but it’s worth going for in the end.

You might also like:
The Bachelor “Say It” Myth
Baseball and The Bachelor: Believe

Big love,

Posted in Being yourself, In the big wild world, It's on TV, Optimisms | No Comments »

Like Jake & Vienna: You Deserve More!

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I was glued to my TV last night to watch both The Bachelorette and the Break-Up Special with Jake and Vienna. And by the way, the hilarity of the concept of a “break-up special” is not lost on me. I feel bad saying I loved it, but I did. (I also loved when Chris Harrison barked “We don’t care about your dog” but the dog is irrelevant here, too.)

Learn from Jake and Vienna's undone relationship (Image: ABC.com)

As I watched them tell their sides of the story, I so wished that each of them were handling the relationship—and breakdown of it—differently. Yes, Jake seemed controlling and appeared to be hiding something darker behind that smirk; and Vienna, for her part, seemed steam-rolley and not entirely honest about her desires to end up famous in L.A. herself. But the truth is, what he said and what she said isn’t important. Who’s “right” isn’t important. Because a healthy relationship isn’t about being right, it’s about being happy.

I point this out because I’ve seen and heard from halves of couples who have experienced their own head-butting and total communication breakdowns who see that not as a deal breaker, but as a necessary part of navigating a relationship. Couples will drag themselves back through the same relationship hellfire with the same partner or others determined to stick it out and settle down. “Relationships are hard,” they say. “It takes work.” Sure, it takes work, and they can be hard to upkeep. But not as hard as last night. So what I say is that if you’re not married, you deserve more than putting up with your own Jake & Vienna breakdown…and so do Jake and Vienna!

You deserve a relationship in which you feel heard, respected and appreciated. You deserve a relationship in which your partner takes your word for it when you swear you don’t need a GPS to get to your destination, a relationship in which your opinion on where the bed should go in the room is weighed as much as theirs. You deserve a relationship in which your partner listens to you, laughs at your jokes, loves being with you and treats you like the special human being that you are. You deserve it all. So if you’re not feeling that you’ll get it—and that a “break-up special” is in your future—say no to that final rose. There’s so much more out there for you in love and I hope you get it.

You might also like:

Baseball and The Bachelor: Believe

Big love,

Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | 1 Comment »

Make Interesting Mistakes

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

I recently watched some episodes of HBO’s series Masterclass.

Playwright Edward Albee

If you have any special interest in an area of the arts, you might enjoy watching students meeting a master in the field for some personal mentoring of their craft. Artist Olafur Eliasson and singer Placido Domingo were two of the teachers. But my favorite, of course, was the episode when Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Edward Albee met with four young writers to talk about his work.

And wouldn’t you know it, he said something wise enough about life that I had to share it with you. He was talking about one young writer he’d met in the show who left school for a year to tour and write in Paris. When asked if the kid was doing the right thing, Albee joked that he probably wasn’t, but that’s okay.

“I think people should be adventuresome,” Albee said. “I think people should make mistakes. Make the interesting mistakes. The trick is making more interesting mistakes and doing stuff that you may regret, but what’s wrong with that? There’s more regret in what you don’t do than what you do.”

Keep this in mind as you live and date. Date the wrong people, sure, but make them the wrong interesting people who provide you with an experience greater than a big yawn and wanting to crawl into bed early. Dating is all about trial and error, after all. That’s the point! The same way a writer should scrawl down their first draft without stopping to analyze and edit what they’re doing along the way, you, too, should follow your heart and date who feels right and who seems interesting. So what if each one isn’t The One? As Albee says, “What’s wrong with that?”

You might also like:
Harry Potter: The “Magic” of Optimism
Wise Words from an Undone She

Big love,

Posted in It is written, It's on TV | 2 Comments »

LOST: What Can You “Let Go” Of?

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

This should go without saying, but if you haven’t watched the Lost finale and don’t want anything spoiled…you probably shouldn’t read this. It would be a shame, because this is a damn good post, but I don’t want to be “that person” to you. Watch..then read!

I’m still sad about the end of Lost. And since, all these days later, I still can’t stop choking up when I think about it, I thought I’d give one final thank you to the show for leaving us with something so powerful to think about. In short, these two words, which can provide a world of peace to all of us: Let go.

Jack was holding it all in. Are you?

Yes, there were many threads left hanging following the finale (in fact, College Humor .com did a hilarious video about the Unanswered Lost Questions). Reviewer Tim Goodman put it this way in The San Francisco Chronicle: “As a series finale it overjoyed the heart and annoyed the brain.” So well said.

What I choose to take from the show is, of course, that big “heart” part. And what I choose to remember are the calm, knowing smiles on the faces of our favorite Lost characters as they sat in the church and went so happily into the light.

For those who didn’t follow the show, the finale revealed that a “sideways” alternate universe on the show was basically Jack’s purgatory. And within it, it was each Lost character’s path to come to their own moving revelation of who they’d been to one another and where they were meant to be. The most moving of these moments, in my opinion, was when Sun and Jin’s understanding settled in while she was getting her ultrasound. (Of course, give me Sun and that “cry now!” Lost music and I’m a goner).

The minute each character recognized their past life, their match, their purpose, you could see the calmness on their faces, feel it coming from their souls: They’d let go. They were giving in to their future. Jack was the last one to figure it out. And when Kate held his face in her hands to welcome him to their destiny, you could see how hard he was fighting it, how unready he was to accept the truth. But when we saw how happy Kate was about it, we knew he’d be in so much more peace if he’d just let go.

So it made me think: What can each of us let go of? In dating, if you’re single, I ask you this:

Can you let go of a past that has hurt you? A past that may have caused you to put your guard up and keep it that way? Let go. The next single man or woman who smiles at you, don’t assume they’re out to hurt you or use you. Let go. Let people in.

Can you let go of the perfect picture you have of your future mate? The image you’ve formed of what he or she looks like, how tall they are, what job they have? Let go. The next person you meet in a romantic way, look into their eyes and heart instead of at their clothes. Let go. See how you feel when you’re with them.

Can you let go of the panic that you might end up alone, forever? That stress you’re holding in your body, that worry you carry in your face? Let go. Give a nod to the universe that what is best for your love life will come as it should. Let go. Your other half is out there and will come your way when you are both ready for one another.

Me, I’m going to keep thinking about what I need to let go of in my life, too. Perhaps I need to let go of my quest for perfection that holds me back with fear when I think I can’t live up to it. Perhaps I can let go of being my own worst critic both physically and emotionally.

Letting go is a step to your happiness.

My point is, we all have things we can let go of. By doing so, by letting go, we’ll all feel lighter, calmer, happier and so much more at peace. If you watch the show, think of the looks on the faces of those Lost characters—how calm and content they were to know that they were just where they were supposed to be. With love and others in their lives. At total peace.

We need to give ourselves up to this world that wants the best for us. Loosen your grip, pay attention, accept what’s meant to be yours. Let go.

Tell me: What do you want to let go of? And how will this help you if you do?

Big love,

You might also like:

Get Un-Lost: Nothing’s Irreversible
Head-to-Head: LOST vs. MYHO (Meeting Your Half-Orange)

And…if you still have a little Lost fever, watch the Jimmy Kimmel Aloha to Lost episode. And, thanks to my husband, I’m now a fan of The Sports Guy Bill Simmons, who did this podcast, The B.S. Report 5/24, all about the finale.

Tags: Jack, Kate, Let go, Lost
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | 3 Comments »

Private Practice: Want Everything!

Monday, May 24th, 2010

I was talking to a single friend of mine this weekend about what she was looking for in a relationship. After she rattled off her list—and it was a long one—she laughed. “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff,” she said. “I guess I want too much, huh.”

Addison Montgomery wants it all.

I used to think the same thing. After all, how could I get all I wanted to feel in a relationship—feeling appreciated, pretty, smart, funny, needed and special—in one succinct and sexy package? Well, you get it by wanting it. By wanting it and asking for it. Just like you only get the In ‘n’ Out burger “Animal Style” with sautéed onions on it if you want it and ask for that!

It brought to mind a week-old episode of Private Practice, which, over its two seasons, has really grown on me. Even that odd little pouty thing Addison keeps doing with her mouth. One scene was based on a conversation between Addison (Grey’s Anatomy spinoff star Kate Walsh) and Sheldon (the former Dream On star Brian Benben). Both single, both searching.

Sheldon: Is there some glaringly obvious reason why I’m everybody’s second choice?

Addison: Ah, you and me both.

Sheldon: No. Anyone that could choose you, would. You just can’t quite decide what you want.

Addison: Yeah, well, apparently I want everything.

Sheldon: Yeah, you do, and you should get everything. You’re just scared of what it will mean. And being scared…no one lays on a death bed and wishing they had less, less love, no one. So if you love the guy, Addison, for God’s sake, don’t let it get away.

Yes, Addison is lucky. She has a guy she loves in mind. But you don’t need a specific guy or girl in mind. You just need to know how you want to feel with the right person. And when you’re making that mental list, you should want everything and you should get everything. Don’t be scared that asking for it will hold you back. Because asking for it is the one thing that will open your whole world up.

Big love,